FRIDAY FUNNY: No Train, No Gain
In facilities management, training and education are essential parts of the job. New technologies and updated procedures make it imperative for all personnel to be up to date on relevant operations systems and services.
The same policy holds true to an even greater extent in military training (which can actually be humorous, believe it or not)! Whether fact or fiction, these words of wisdom from military training manuals are quite funny.
‘If the enemy is in range, so are you.’
– Infantry Journal
‘It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.’
– US. Air Force Manual
‘Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.’
– General MacArthur
‘You, you, and you … panic. The rest of you, come with me.’
– Infantry Sgt.
‘Tracers work both ways.’
– Army Ordnance Manual
‘Five second fuses last about three seconds.’
– Infantry Journal
‘Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.’
– Naval Ops Manual
‘Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.’
– Unknown Infantry Recruit
‘If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.’
– Infantry Journal
‘You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3.’
-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)
‘The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.’
‘If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.’
– Fixed Wing Pilot
‘When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.’
-Multi-Engine Training Manual
‘Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.’
‘If you hear me yell;”Eject, Eject, Eject!”, the last two will be echos.’
If you stop to ask “Why?”, you’ll be talking to yourself, because by then you’ll be the pilot.’
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot
‘What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up …. the pilot dies.’
-Sign over Control Tower Door
‘Never trade luck for skill.’
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are: ‘Did you feel that?’ ‘What’s that noise?’ and ‘Oh S…!’
‘Airspeed, altitude, and brains. Two are always needed to complete the flight successfully.’
-Basic Flight Training Manual
‘Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.’
– Emergency Checklist
‘The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.’
– Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
‘There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.’
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ
‘You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.’
– Lead-in Fighter Training Manual
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives. The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks,’ What happened?’ The pilot’s reply: ‘I don’t know, I just got here myself!’
(This Friday Funny was provided by Peter SJF Bance)
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