Friday Funny: Ambiguous signs from the Department of Homeland Security

The U.S. Department of Homeland Security has created a helpful site for facility managers called READYBusiness. This resource has some excellent planning tools for fire safety, medical emergencies, cyber security, and many other threats to business continuity; it has also created some rather ambiguous signs that are supposed to instruct people how to respond to emergency situations.

Film site, has provided a few sample “interpretations” that are not politically correct, but they are amusing… (Just think about how ridiculous the “duck and cover” concept of the 1950s and 1960s was as a response to nuclear war!)

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it
instead of seeing a doctor.

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may
have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms outstretched until they stop.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood.

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.