Today’s Friday Funny just so happens to coincide with the holiday party for those of us who bring you FacilityBlog. And in honor of the occasion, here are some “jokes” courtesy of Iteachyou.com that should produce at least a groan among co-workers (and they’re all clean, too)!
Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Q. Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office?
A. You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Christmas Carol Psychosis (Can You Find Yourself in this List? )
1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and…..
6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy – can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Narcoleptic — I’m Dreaming zzzzzzzzz
11. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells…
Sung to The tune of “As Time Goes By”
(by Irene A. Mystery)
You must remember this,
A bris is still a bris,
A chai is just a chai.
Pastrami still belongs on rye,
As time goes by.
With holidays in view,
A Jew is still a Jew,
On that you can rely.
No matter if we eat tofu
As hours slip by.
Old shtetl customs, never out of date.
All those potatoes mother has to grate.
Honey, tsimus, latkes, chopped liver on our plate
The best that gelt can buy.
Some would send us to perdition,
But we’re strengthened by tradition,
That no one can deny.
We roam, but we recall our birthright,
As time goes by.
Dreidels and chocolate, never out of date.
Ancient Jewish stories that we all relate.
Blue-and-white giftwrap, everything that’s great
And festive chazerai!
It’s still the same old Torah,
It ‘s still the same menorah,
We’ve latkes still to fry.
It’s at yomtov when we feel most blessed,
As time goes by.
A Politically Correct Happy Holidays Wish
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions
and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . . .
and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset
of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform of the wishee.
In other words, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
The fine print/disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
To share your own preparations for the holiday party, check out the FacilityBlog fan page on Facebook. You can find it at this link.
P.S., it’s snowing here in FacilityBlog land!