Friday Funny: Management Mumbo Jumbo | Facility Executive - Creating Intelligent Buildings

While politicians are the true pros when it comes to Orwellian manipulation of language, representatives from big business are building a laughable linguistic stockpile of their own.


https://facilityexecutive.com/2012/04/friday-funny-management-mumbo-jumbo/
While politicians are the true pros when it comes to Orwellian manipulation of language, representatives from big business are building a laughable linguistic stockpile of their own.
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Friday Funny: Management Mumbo Jumbo

Friday Funny: Management Mumbo Jumbo | Facility Executive - Creating Intelligent Buildings

It’s the morning after the vice presidential debate, and most people are still shaking their heads and thinking, “what the heck did that candidate really say?” While politicians are the true pros when it comes to Orwellian manipulation of language, representatives from big business have built a laughable linguistic stockpile of their own.

Here’s a collection from Peter SJF Bance, keeper of the Friday Funny e-mail newsletter:

“As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.”
(Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)

“What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.”
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

“E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.”
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

“This project is so important we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it.”
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

“Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.”
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

“No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them.”
(R&D supervisor, 3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: “Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.”
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, “That would be better for me.”
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

“We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.”
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Now aren’t you glad you didn’t say that???

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