FRIDAY FUNNY: Engineering A Sense Of Humor

Who Says Engineers Have A Weird Sense Of Humor?
This Friday Funny features a collection of clever jokes for and about engineers. And with an intro like that, who can resist?

FRIDAY FUNNY: Engineering A Sense Of Humor


FRIDAY FUNNY: Engineering A Sense Of Humor

This collection of engineer oriented jokes comes courtesy of the Funny Junk Site. Screen Shot 2014-05-02 at 1.21.00 PM

Engineer In Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, which makes the engineer a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?” Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God replies, “What??? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.” Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him.” God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.” Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
(Predictable punch line, but nice setup…)

Engineering Laws

Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable, and three parts which are still under development. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection. If you can’t fix it — document it. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
(Very true, but not so funny?)

Real Engineers

Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match. Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday. Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words. Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches, and automatic transmissions. Real Engineers say “It’s 77 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 Kelvin” and all you say is “Isn’t it a nice day?” Real Engineers wear badges so they don’t forget who they are. Sometimes a note is attached saying “Don’t offer me a ride today. I drove my own car”. Real Engineers’ politics run towards acquiring a parking space with their name on it and an office with a window. Real Engineers know the “ABC’s of Infrared” from A to B. Real Engineers know how to take the cover off of their computer, and are not afraid to do it. Real Engineers’ briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of “Quantum Physics,” and a half of a peanut butter sandwich. Real Engineers don’t find the above at all funny.

(Wow, this hits very close to home…)

Top 10 Things Engineering School Didn’t Teach You

  1. There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
  2. Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
  3. Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
  4. Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
  5. Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
  6. Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
  7. Managers, not engineers, rule the world. 8. Always try to fix the hardware with software.
  8. If you like junk food, caffeine, and all-nighters, go into software.
  9. Dilbert is not a comic strip, it’s a documentary.

(Number 10 says it all, particularly for facility managers too!)

The Engineer and the Red Rubber Ball

A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume. The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.

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  1. “A Boy and His Frog”

    A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

    The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

    The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

    Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

    The boy said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

  2. Two engineering students meet on campus one day.

    The first engineer calls out to the other, “Hey — Nice bike! Where did you get it?”

    “Well, ” replies the other, “I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says ‘You can have ANYTHING you want!!'”

    “Good choice,” says the first, “her clothes wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”